A Painful Memory

One thing I like about blogging is that it helps me to record important moments and feelings through my photos and random words. It's been three months since I had my precious baby boy and every time I hold him in my arms and watch him fall asleep I thank God for his life. Although it's been a great joy for me and my husband, we can say we had the most terrifying first days of our lives as parents. 

I haven't talked about it much to avoid the pain and if I mentioned to some people, it was a very brief story. Well, I decided to share it cause I remembered one of my posts, HOW GREAT IS THE LORD and realized how indeed God is Great!

When we brought our lil baby home from the maternity we were very excited; however, the excitement went away when we realized something was wrong with him. He wasn't eating and looked very weak so we called his Pediatrician who sent us back to the hospital. I remember thinking, good at least there (the maternity) they will help me to breastfeed him. Man how naive I was! We had to go through the emergency room where is the last place you want to be with a newborn. So there we were in an emergency room, three days without sleep with a 2 days newborn among sick people waiting for someone to do something. 

Man, we were so scared and  there was nothing we could do besides waiting until they admitted us to the Pediatric section. We waited, we fought for them to do something, and we prayed for protection and strength. It took the whole night until they finally admitted us. I cried the whole night as I held my baby and watched them drawing several times blood for tests. I cried all the days we were there. And I cried when we finally were sent home with a healthy baby.

Looking back we still don't know what exactly happened. The peds said it could have been an infection he got it during delivering so they put him on antibiotics. But it could have been also because he wasn't getting enough breast milk. I wasn't producing milk for the first days so the poor lil guy was sucking and sucking and nothing was coming out. I told the nurses I wasn't sure If I was producing milk but they guaranteed me I was. I realized I wasn't once I was put on breast pump and nothing was coming out. So the nurses started to feed him formula so he could get his strength back. It took three days until he finally started acting like a "normal" newborn.

Those days were the scariest and most painful days of my life. I felt hopeless, weak, and desperate. I confess I was frighted I was going to loose my baby. I don't even have words to describe the pain. I wish that for no one. My only hope was our faith in God. We prayed with all our souls for protection and strength. And God is Good and Faithful! He gave me strength to support those painful days. Strength that I know only could have come from up above.

Today I have a healthy, beautiful, and very smart baby! I'm also successfully breastfeeding only! Those days now are only a painful memory that made me realized how God is Great. I was weary but He renewed my strength!  I'm indeed now flying like eagles!  

And here is another pic of my lil guy